kingnovel Chapter 708 If You Become Me
Chapter 708 If You Become Me
"I do not know."
Wen Can could only answer like this. He looked into Ye Kong's eyes, sealing his fear and heartache under the calm surface of the water. "But I don't want you to feel heartache for me."
"But I am very happy."
Ye Kong curled up the corners of his mouth slightly: "Isn't it strange? I feel heartbroken and happy at the same time, as if I'm schizophrenic - but this is how I feel now. When I see your eyes, I feel suffocated, but at the same time I feel light as if I'm about to fly."
"It seems like I'm basing my happiness on your pain, and I don't want that." Ye Kong added, "I want to try something else - people say that if you see the person you love happy, you'll feel happy too, and I want to experience that feeling."
“So don’t torture yourself, don’t hate yourself.”
She held his face, exerting a little force until the man pouted slightly. "That year in Nangang was indeed very difficult for me. It was an unprecedented humiliation, but it was not your fault. If you must find a culprit, then you should think about who caused the car accident and killed your mother, you, and me."
"Besides, I am happy to save you and to see your mother. Even if I had to do it all over again, even if I had to double my time in South Port, I would still choose to stop on that day and see you without hesitation."
She stared into Wen Can's eyes unwaveringly.
It's hard to imagine a young man in his early twenties having such eyes.
It was as if there was a thick sea or an all-embracing sky hidden in her body, so that people could feel a constant sense of security just by looking at her.
"Wen Can, you are very precious to me, ever since I first met you. Although I have forgotten you in the past seven years, you have never stopped influencing me - if it weren't for you and your mother inspiring me, I would not have stopped at sea seven years ago."
"I know you've seen her, that nosy old woman. Although I didn't notice it at the time, I realized now that I've recovered my memory that the familiar feeling she brought to me came from you and your mother. If it weren't for that momentary touch, I would have killed Qin Wu without hesitation - you see, you also saved me, and you taught me what tears and heartache are seven years later."
“So, don’t hate yourself, don’t hate yourself, don’t torture yourself.”
The girl's eyes softened, as if the wind was blowing over the sea on a summer evening.
The wind blew into Wen Can's frozen pupils, making him at a loss and his fingertips tremble.
He couldn't help but open his mouth and utter the words that were buried deep in his heart like a dry bone, and he never intended to dig them out to show others: "But Chi Wandao hit the steering wheel."
He murmured, his brain and even his whole body trembling slightly, as if he was convulsing uncontrollably: "If she hadn't saved me with all her heart, she wouldn't have died. If you hadn't saved me, you wouldn't have been trapped in Nangang - I know it's all Wen Rong's fault, I know it's all the Qin family's fault, but if it weren't for me, I'd still be alive..."
He spoke incoherently.
Ye Kong understood instantly - she couldn't easily dig out the rotten flesh deep in Wen Can's heart.
This area has been rotting for many years, and perhaps it has even spread to his entire heart.
So he relived that scene day after day, and so he pathologically wanted himself to always remember the burning Chi Wandao, even though the real situation was not like that, and Chi Wandao was not staring at him in the burning flames, nor did he ask him for help, but he would rather do so - this was not for Chi Wandao, but just for self-torture.
He hated himself for being alive.
Perhaps he even hated Chi Wandao for swerving the steering wheel and committing suicide in order to save him.
The worst thing is that behind this hatred lies his true intention, which even he himself is unaware of - Wen Can may not want to live at all.
Ye Kong leaned over on tiptoe and hugged him.
Very sudden and very forceful.
The man almost stumbled.
In the blink of an eye, he was forced to lower his head, and his hot and trembling breath was buried in the girl's hair.
Ye Kong held him in his arms, his head bubbling in panic like boiling water, constantly looking for ways to comfort him and rekindle his life.
But she knows nothing. She has endless theoretical knowledge, and she can arouse people's determination to die with cunning words and confident attitude, but she doesn't know how to make a person happy.
She remembered what she had said to Qin Wu on the boat.
She said that if a person hates himself, he is living in hell - when she said those words, her heart was full of indifference, and she was high above like a god, staring at Qin Wu's stiff expression.
But now she seemed to be getting her comeuppance.
She couldn't imagine that Wen Can was also living in hell.
If Qin Wu deserved it, then Wen Can was the thief who was presbyopic and mistook the angel for someone else, throwing him into the frying pan by mistake.
His wings were burned and his halo turned to ashes, but he still remembered to protect her heart. For her, he was willing to stand up from his wheelchair and give up what he valued most.
His trembling was transmitted to her body through the tight hug.
Just like in the explosion, the boy was clearly desperate to save people, but he still held on tightly to the girl who was about to run towards the sports car, and protected her tightly amid the falling broken glass.
That was the first time in Ye Kong’s life that he directly saw, touched, and felt what pain was.
She briefly merged with a stranger.
From then on, I began to believe in the existence of "love".
If it wasn't "love", how could a person suffer so much for another person?
If it wasn't for "love", how could a person suffer for another person for so long? Years later, his trembling was still so severe, even worse than it was then.
He never got over that car accident, and he never got off that road.
He was trapped in front of the burning sports car, staring into his imaginary mother's eyes asking for help, day after day, for seven years.
He refused to look away.
Ye Kong hugged him tightly and murmured, "I really want you to become me, the three-year-old me, the seven-year-old me, the fourteen-year-old me, and then the me now."
"If you could live with my heart, you would know how empty and tormented I was before. The feeling that there is a big hole in my heart that keeps leaking air is enough to drive people crazy, but I don't even go crazy. I live like a fake person - do you think I am a good person? You are wrong. I just put on a good person's skin. Only I know what I am thinking in my heart."
"If you could live with my heart, even for one day, you would know how precious you are to me."
She murmured, "There is a broken receiver in my brain that prevents me from learning how to laugh or cry truly. You fixed it."
"It has been seven years since you asked me to save your mother in tears. It has been lit up for the first time."
"I can't express this feeling like you, so I really hope you can become me."
Ye Kong buried his head in the man's neck: "Wen Can, don't hate yourself. I don't want to see you living in hell. If you can't find a reason to love yourself, then come and love me. Come and save me."
"Wen Can, they all said that you were gentle and dazzling before, that you grew up in love and that you are the one who understands what love is the most. Please teach me, teach me more."
Wen Can just lowered his head and let her hang there without moving.
His trembling finally stopped when he felt something wet on his neck.
The hands hanging at his sides were raised, little by little, and he hugged her with great force.