kingnovel Chapter 435: Each Has Its Own Difficulties (Zhengxiu and Lin Zhuxuan have their own story, which can
Chapter 435: Each Has Its Own Difficulties (Zhengxiu and Lin Zhuxuan have their own story, which can
The rain outside the window was still heavy, the sky had darkened completely, and a faint light was on in Mr. Xike's cottage, like a fishing fire on a lone boat in the vast ocean.
In the pond in the yard, most of the white lotuses had lost their petals due to the continuous rain. Yellow and wilted petals floated on the turbid pond water. Only the lotus stems stood upright in the wind and rain, revealing a lonely stubbornness.
"Lin Zhuxuan, do you really want to go?"
Zhengxiu's eyes were red as he stared at Lin Zhuxuan who was sitting under the lamp.
Outside the house, a loud thunder suddenly tore through the night sky. The pale light instantly illuminated his pale but tense face, and also made his eyes, which always showed a bit of stubbornness, as sharp as a knife.
At this point, he tried his best and used all means, even exposing himself and fighting against Lu Wensheng and others, but he still couldn't shake Lin Zhuxuan in the slightest.
The sense of urgency that the situation was about to get out of control and the deep feeling of powerlessness were like cold vines that wrapped around his heart and almost suffocated him.
However, under this extreme feeling of oppression, a strange, almost self-destructive calmness spread in his heart.
Zheng Xiu thought bitterly: Lin Zhuxuan, is your heart made of iron and stone? I have done so much for you, worried and frightened, and even exposed my identity to stop Lu Wensheng, just because I don't want to see you go to that dead end!
But what about you? You only care about your people and your path. Have you ever given me any place? Are my worries and fears as insignificant as dust in your eyes?
"The people are wailing everywhere. If someone is using the lives of the people to lure me into the game, then I have no choice but to join."
Lin Zhuxuan's voice was still steady, but it carried an unquestionable heavy power, like a rock.
"I would give my life in exchange for a world without worries. What do I have to fear? I will sacrifice myself to join the game, and the world will belong to me."
His eyes fell on the flickering candlelight, as if he had penetrated time and space and saw the faces of those desperately struggling in the rain. The compassion and determination were intertwined together to form a heart-pounding glow.
He did so much for Lin Zhuxuan, but the other party remained unmoved, as if all his efforts were a futile joke.
This realization was like a poisoned dagger, piercing through the last line of defense in Zhengxiu's heart.
Why? Why don't you care about my life or death, but you care about the wailing of those ants?! Hatred grew like poison ivy, twisting his originally handsome eyebrows and eyes, and his words became more fierce and harsh than ever before.
"Besides us, who else will know what you have done?! Who will come to worship you when you turn into dust?! Your great path, your sacrifice, are nothing but dust that no one knows about! Who will remember a fool who can't even leave a name?!"
"I save the people because I am following the right path and doing what my heart desires. Why should I care whether the people will worship me or not?"
Lin Zhuxuan finally raised his eyes and looked directly into Zhengxiu's eyes that were burning with anger. His eyes were clear and firm.
"I am nothing in this world, like a leaf falling from a Jianmu tree, not enough to reduce a basket of grass. The vastness of the world is like a tiny grain of rice - tomorrow's sacrifice is all in my heart, I have a clear conscience, and what should I be afraid of!"
His voice was not loud, but every word was powerful, ringing out in the silent rainy night.
"Okay! Okay! I won't argue with you about these high-sounding principles!" Zheng Xiu interrupted him abruptly, his voice slightly changed due to extreme anger and grievance. He stood up abruptly, the pain finally completely overwhelmed the anger, and tears filled his eyes.
"Then have you ever thought about what I should do?!"
He almost yelled, his voice hoarse and torn: "Didn't you say that we should depend on each other?! Didn't you say that in this world of loneliness, we are the only ones who can rely on each other?! Now you want to leave me to die alone? To be torn apart?! Let me watch you disappear, and let me lose even the last bit of thought?! Lin Zhuxuan! Tell me, were all the things you said to me a lie?! Were they all lies to make me happy?!"
Before he could finish his words, Zhengxiu's voice was already choked with sobs, and tears finally burst out of his eyes uncontrollably, rolling down with the smell of rain.
Was the other party's so-called "dependence on each other" just an empty talk to deceive him? Or did he have a plan long ago to use his death to completely sever his connection with himself?
Zhengxiu is like a child abandoned by the whole world, stubbornly and desperately trying to grasp the last bit of warm promise.
Lin Zhuxuan's straight back, as unshakable as a mountain, suddenly relaxed under Zhengxiu's hoarse questioning. It was as if some invisible force supporting him was instantly pulled away.
The tense and tense atmosphere suddenly stagnated, and the room was dead silent except for the crackling sound of the candle and the endless rain outside the window.
Lin Zhuxuan looked at Zhengxiu's face, which was somewhat similar to his own but now covered with traces of tears and despair. He felt his throat was as dry as if it had been rubbed by sandpaper, and his chest was so stuffy and painful that he couldn't breathe.
He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.
All the words and truths seem so pale and powerless in the face of this question that goes straight to the heart.
This speechless look, this moment of distraction and hesitation, made Zheng Xiu more certain of his guess in his heart - he had never considered me at all! There was never any place for me in his plan!
"You sacrificed your life for those insignificant guys and left them so-called peace. What about me?"
Zheng Xiu's voice lowered, with a heavy nasal tone and deep sadness, and every word sounded like tears of blood, "Leave me alone to guard your empty house? Or let me collect your body? Collect a pile of ashes where even the soul has dissipated?!"
He laughed miserably, and that smile was uglier than crying, "Lin Zhuxuan, I hate you! You humans are liars! Big liars! If you want to die, go ahead and die! I don't care about you!"
Lin Zhuxuan was generous, he even gave his life to those strangers, why didn't he even give him a little thought and promise to live? Why were you so stingy with him?!
Zhengxiu felt the pain was extreme. Although there were no wounds on his body, his heart felt like it was being pierced repeatedly by countless steel needles. He curled up in pain.
He even had the absurd thought: Should I dig out my heart and see if it is already full of holes?
Lin Zhuxuan, why are you so cruel? For those people whose names you can't even remember, you can risk your life and die bravely.
But you won't even give me a reason to live, someone you live with day and night and regard as your only one? You won't even say "wait for me" or "live well"?
"Zhengxiu!" Lin Zhuxuan finally found his voice, with an anxious tone.
But Zhengxiu just responded with a cold, self-deprecating sneer.
He no longer looked at Lin Zhuxuan. Without waiting for the other party to say anything, he turned around abruptly, opened the door resolutely, and plunged into the endless, cold and dense rain curtain outside the door. He was instantly swallowed up by the darkness and rain and disappeared.
Looking at Zhengxiu's lonely and panicked figure disappearing in the rain, Lin Zhuxuan could no longer hold on and staggered to hold on to the table.
The tears that he had been holding back finally burst out, silently sliding down his thin cheeks and dripping onto the old floor.
His shoulders trembled slightly, and his upright figure like a bamboo revealed for the first time such deep fatigue and sadness.
"Zheng Xiu... I have already given you my most precious things..."
Zheng Xiu...you are the most precious relic I have left in this world...
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Because the author has something to say and there is a word limit, and I have a strong desire to talk, I will say it here. I usually don’t often write long articles later if it is irrelevant. (It does not count)
The main reason is that the two of them don't have many scenes, and there is not much space to write about the story between them, so it is better to simply explain the conflicts and love between them directly here.
Lin Zhuxuan and Zhengxiu are a loving father and son.
There is little that can be said about their personalities and experiences, except to say that they each have their own difficulties.
Some people are very quiet and think they are good. They do things for others on their own but will not tell others what they have done.
Regarding Lin Zhuxuan not saying anything to commemorate him——
The moment he entered the formation, he knew that he had no control over himself and could no longer fulfill his promise to Zheng Xiu.
Lin Zhuxuan is a person who puts "original heart" and "the great way" above life.
He acts in an upright manner and always keeps his word (at least in his subjective will).
He once promised to "depend on each other for life" with Zhengxiu, which was an extremely solemn vow for him.
However, the sacrifice he faced at this moment was complete and irreversible, which meant that the promise of "living together" could not be realized both physically and spiritually.
Under this premise, any words like "wait for me" (implying a return date or form of existence) or "live well" (implying that he can see or know, or that this is meaningful to him) are, in Lin Zhuxuan's view, a second deception of his inability to fulfill his promise and a blasphemy of the oath.
He would rather endure Zhengxiu's resentment and pain at this moment than tarnish the sincere agreement between them with false hope.
If given a "thought", what will this thought become for Zhengxiu who is destined not to wait for or find Lin Zhuxuan?
It will not be a comfort, but a source of eternal pain and spiritual shackles, and the practitioner will be forever bound in a cycle of waiting, searching, longing and ultimately despair.
In Lin Zhuxuan's opinion, this kind of life with endless expectations but destined to be disappointed is more cruel and painful than accepting the cruel reality.
He would rather Zhengxiu, after being completely angry and desperate, cut off his connection with him and gain a twisted freedom that could lead to liberation. He didn't want Zhengxiu to live his whole life for an unfulfilled promise and live in eternal mourning.
It’s not that Lin Zhuxuan doesn’t love Zhengxiu, but it is this deep love that makes him choose silence and seemingly cold rejection.
He sees himself as a small but necessary part of a grand narrative, one that will be sacrificed and integrated into the universe.
In this worldview, he is not obsessed with individuals being remembered; however, he sees Zhengxiu as an exception, an existence that transcends this grand narrative and has ultimate personal significance.
He did not ask Zheng Xiu to remember him, but he hoped that Zheng Xiu would continue to exist as the most precious evidence of his existence.
The best way to prevent this "relic" from being corroded by painful longing is to let it go without any conditions or expectations.
Therefore, Lin Zhuxuan chose the most painful way - silence, speechlessness, and enduring resentment.
To fulfill his final and highest responsibility to Zhengxiu: not to deceive, not to bind, and to completely disappear in exchange for Zhengxiu's possible freedom and rebirth in the future (even if it is full of hatred).
This is an almost tragic, sacrificial love, full of powerlessness, but also shining with the glory of considering the ultimate happiness of the other person.
He cannot give a "reason to live" because he himself is that reason, and he will no longer exist; he can only choose not to become the eternal reason for pain that binds the other person.