How could someone be unhappy living in a matriarchal society?

Chapter 153 Ancestor Worship at Qingming Festival

Time flies by, and September has arrived in the blink of an eye.

In the crisp autumn air, the sunlight shines on the earth, giving people a warm and comfortable feeling.

However, this September was special for Shi An, because the Empress was going to the royal mausoleum to pay respects to her ancestors, and Chu Ci was responsible for the Empress's safety, so he naturally had to go with her.

When Chu Ci told Shi An the news, Shi An's tears fell like beads from a broken string, her heart filled with reluctance and sadness.

Seeing this, Chu Ci felt heartbroken and quickly hugged the man tightly into her arms, letting him sit on her lap. She gently stroked his back and softly comforted him.

"Don't cry. I'm only going for three days, I'll be back soon."

Shi An sobbed, wiping away tears with her handkerchief, still feeling extremely wronged, "Three days, that's such a long time..."

His voice was choked with emotion, which evoked pity in the listener.

Chu Ci kissed his cheek, then gently kissed his lips, coaxing him tenderly, "I'll write to you every day, just like we did in the army camp, okay?"

Hearing Chu Ci's promise, Shi An's emotions calmed down a little. He looked up at her with teary eyes, his eyes full of grievance.

"really?"

Chu Ci smiled and nodded, "Of course it's true, why would I lie to you?"

She kissed Shi An's forehead again and said softly, "So, please don't cry anymore, okay?"

Shi An sniffed and finally stopped crying.

Looking at his red and swollen eyes, Chu Ci felt a pang of sorrow in her heart. She reached out and gently tidied his slightly messy hair, her eyes filled with affection as tender and deep as a spring pond.

“You haven’t seen Song Yin in a long time, have you? You can invite him over to your house for a few days, or you can stay at the embroidery workshop. There are many people there, and it’s more lively than being alone at home.”

Shi An bit her lower lip tightly, as if that would suppress the pain in her heart.

A faint light had been flickering in his eyes, but in the next instant, that light was extinguished like a candle flame blown out by the wind.

He slowly got up from Chu Ci's embrace, walked to the other side with a slight tremor, his steps were a little unsteady, and he had to use his hands to support himself on the table next to him, trying to stand up, but his weak arms seemed to be about to give way at any moment.

Shi An muttered to himself, his voice low and filled with self-reproach and regret.

"I shouldn't have come to Kyoto... Maybe Father just wanted me to live an ordinary and happy life... Maybe Mother and Brother didn't expect me to avenge them... It's me, I was too stubborn... I was incapable, my thoughts were naive... Two lifetimes have passed, and I still haven't figured out how I should live... I'm such a failure..."

His words were plaintive and heart-wrenching.

Finally, as if she had made up her mind, Shi An suddenly turned her head and looked at Chu Ci, her eyes filled with despair and sorrow.

"It's also my fault... I've dragged you down, my wife... I've disrupted your peaceful life... I'm utterly unworthy of you... I'm just a useless piece of trash... I can't do anything right... I can't do anything right..."

Shi An's voice grew softer and softer until it was almost a whisper, as if he were speaking only to himself.

After saying that, the man's body seemed to lose its support, and he slumped to the ground, tears streaming down his face.

"It's all my fault, it's all my fault..."

Chu Ci stepped forward, reached out and scooped up Shi An, holding him tightly in his arms.

"Shi An, look at me, look at me!"

After being called by Chu Ci several times, Shi An slowly raised his head, his eyes filled with confusion and helplessness, like a child lost in the darkness.

Chu Ci looked at him with pity and comforted him, "It's okay, Shi An, I'm here. We're not afraid, okay? Don't be afraid."

However, Shi An's emotions did not calm down. Instead, he hugged Chu Ci even tighter, as if afraid that she would suddenly leave. His expression also showed a hint of madness.

"My lady, you're truly all I have left! I'm utterly disgusted with life in this capital! I don't want to seek revenge anymore; let all those past grievances and grudges drift away with the wind. Let's leave here together, okay? Let's go back to our familiar Sanyuan Village, just like before, where we can be together every day, never to be separated again. Unlike now, every morning when I wake up, you're already gone; and when you return at night, I'm already asleep. We only see each other once a day at noon. I've had enough of being alone in this empty room. I eat breakfast alone, and dinner alone. After you leave, the house is quiet, there's nothing there, nothing at all! It's empty! It's empty! Do you know, my lady, I feel numb every day. I'm so sad, so sad. I really can't bear this loneliness anymore. The days you spent fighting have drained all my energy. I really don't want to live like this anymore."

"My lady, do you know? Before I met you, I was always alone, helpless and without support, never experiencing true love. Back then, I naively thought love was nothing more than something ethereal and useless. However, since meeting and getting to know you, I have deeply understood the preciousness and beauty of love. My lady, you are the light in my life. Without your companionship, my days feel like years, and everything else is meaningless, utterly meaningless..."

"My lady, please, let's go back to Sanyuan Village! There are our shared memories there, the familiar mountains and rivers, and our fellow villagers. There, we can escape the capital and live a peaceful and happy life. My lady, I miss you so much, I wish we could go back to the way things were before, when we were together every day, unlike now, when we can't even see each other... Waaaaah..."

After hearing these words, Chu Ci did not, as usual, immediately comfort Shi An when he cried.

Instead, she sat quietly to the side, letting Shi An release his emotions until his tears dried up, his emotions were fully released, and he stopped crying. Only then did Chu Ci slowly take out a clean white handkerchief from her pocket and gently wipe away the remaining tear stains on his face.

Her movements were gentle and delicate, as if she were afraid of hurting her husband.

After wiping away her tears, Chu Ci spoke calmly, looking directly into Shi An's eyes, and asked, "Are you sure you really don't plan to take revenge?"

Shi An and Chu Ci's eyes met, and for a moment, they remained silent.

The hatred for the murders of one's father, mother, and sister—how can one so easily let go of it?

However, the loneliness of Kyoto drove him to the brink of collapse. He was unhappy every day, and when he couldn't see Chu Ci, he really wanted to go crazy.

Shi An's throat tightened, and he couldn't utter a single word for a moment.

Time seemed to freeze at that moment.

A moment later, Chu Ci suddenly revealed a gentle smile, leaned over and kissed Shi An's lips, and whispered.

"Shi'an, don't be sad, don't be afraid, and don't underestimate yourself."

As she spoke, she reached out and gently stroked Shi An's cheek, again and again, as if comforting a wounded child.

"Whatever you want to do, we'll do it together. Don't have any worries. I'll always be by your side and will never leave you, so don't be afraid."

The words of Chu Ci are like a spring breeze, making people feel extremely at ease.

As Shi listened quietly to her words, his emotions gradually stabilized, and his trembling body slowly returned to calm.

Finally, like a docile kitten, he nestled on Chu Ci's shoulder and wept silently.

In a matriarchal world, men's minds are always much more sensitive and delicate than women's, not to mention that Shi An has the experience of having her entire family wiped out, witnessing the tragic deaths of her blood relatives, and being poisoned to death in her previous life.

To be honest, it wouldn't be surprising if other men with weaker mental fortitude went insane after experiencing this.

It is truly remarkable that Shi An has managed to persevere until now.

Moreover, when her husband acted a little spoiled and affectionate, Chu Ci felt at ease, as if she were trusted and needed.

This idea may be somewhat morbid, but Shi An's actions just prove the importance of the Chu Ci to him.

Chu Ci didn't find this feeling of being urgently needed troublesome at all; on the contrary, she felt a little secretly pleased.

But you still need to appease your husband, and the problem must be resolved as soon as possible.

"Okay, stop crying. It's just that I haven't been spending as much time with you lately, and that's easy to fix."

Upon hearing this, Shi An immediately sat up straight and asked anxiously, "How do we solve this?"